


Graceless

by TheOtherBookwormFanperson



Series: Graceless [1]
Category: American Idiot - Green Day/Armstrong, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, danger days - Fandom
Genre: AU, Asian Character(s), Black Character(s), Crossover, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, Family Secrets, Genderbending, Ignoring Canon, Latino Character(s), Next-Gen, Post-Canon, it's gay what do you expect from me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherBookwormFanperson/pseuds/TheOtherBookwormFanperson
Summary: Butane Stain is tired. Tired of sand, tired of blinking 'joys high on sunbeams, tired of having no idea what happened to her dads. She has to wake up.Post-canon Danger Days with a touch of American Idiot crossover. also everyone's a lesbian.





	1. dead ends

**Author's Note:**

> Self-indulgence? I don't know what you're talking about, haha.  
> Please enjoy!!

Butane Stain kicked the doorframe of the club irritably. She'd run into another dead end, of course.

She'd heard from a runner in Zone 3 a month ago that some guy in Zone 4 had a friend who'd been out here since at least 19 years ago, and stupidly, she'd touched the ribbon tied around her neck and felt a spark of hope.

She'd researched the friend, found out all their favorite haunts, and trekked into this fuckin' bar tonight naively hoping that tonight would be the night she found out more about her Bà and Dad. Tane had gone up to the bartender and asked about the guy, and got pointed in the direction of a clearly sunny-side-up crash queen. She sighed, still not losing hope. Despite their red-blued skin and eyes that never quite seemed to focus, they might have known her parents. She pulled her neatly queued hair over her shoulder and fiddled with the end for a minute before letting it drop back behind her and striding over to the sunbeamer, knocking on the table to get their attention.

They'd looked up at her, or a little behind her, and said, "Eh?"

"I hear you've been around a long time."

The person nodded, and kept nodding. She took that as acknowledgement and not them falling into some sort of sun-trance.

"Couple years before the Four got ghosted, even?"

"Oh, yeah, _waay_ before that," the person finally said.

Outwardly, Tane only nodded, but inside her heart was exploding into fireworks. This could be her chance, this 'joy might have known one of her fathers.

"You ever met a guy named Red Quatrain? Or Emergency Shine?"

She didn't dare hope, but at the same time, against her own will, she did.

"Nah."

She didn't.

She couldn't.

She'd been tracking this Zonehopper down for a month, countless vacant bars and empty roads. Risking catching a case of static, staying out so long in the sun, combing through endless stretches of Zone to find this Joy.

For _nothing_.

If you asked her later, she wouldn't remember it. She could tell you what happened just before, and what happened afterward, but she'd swear up and down that she didn't remember punching this sun-spot in the temple, or throwing their drink against the wall, or anything else until she was torn away from them by the bartender's buddy and shoved outside, which led to her cursing up a storm at her sore foot, at her throbbing hands, at her shitty gloves, at that son of a pig-rat in there, at the sun and moon, the sand and wind, and most of all at herself for daring to hope just one more time.

Tane wrapped up her speech to no one with a few final "motherfucking shit of a pigfuck, god-fucking-damn it, you did it again, you idiotic asswipe cactus, gone all 'Stroya on their ass for no fucking reason"s and stood on her now-less-sore feet, sullenly grabbing her bag and shoving her notebook back in her jacket's inside pocket. She zipped up the leather securely. She'd already read the contents so many times each letter may as well be branded into her brain, but she couldn't lose it. It was all that was left of her parents.

Letters and notes from her Bà to her Dad, and vice versa. Sparse photos of their tags on signs. Most importantly, she'd written down everything she'd ever heard about them while in the Zones. Which wasn't much, but. It was still important.

She walked in silence for a long while in the greenish-black of the Zones at night, stumbling over unexpected dips in the sand every so often. When she passed yet _another fucking cactus_ , she noticed a flyer, of all things, impaled on the spikes.

 

**"- THE AFTERMATH -**   
**HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE**   
**_SOUTHEAST ZONE 4, EVERY NIGHT TILL THE NEW MOON_ "**

 

She figured, well, she'd already had a shit night, and shows tended to cheer her up no matter how much the band sucked. Besides, any group advertising on a cactus in the middle of nowhere could probably do with some costume fix-ups, and she could do with some extra carbons.

The band was surprisingly good. She arrived pretty late, halfway through the show, in the middle of a song. It wasn't exactly a roaring concert, no mosh pits or people screaming the lyrics back at the stage, but enough people seemed to know the song to sing along somewhat, and she had a good time nonetheless. She probably didn't need the bruises and sore muscles that inevitably spawned from a pit, anyway.

What really held her attention, though, more than the half-droid drummer or the twitchy guitarist on vocals, was the bassist. Goddamn.

The bassist was, not to be dramatic, the most gorgeous person Tane'd ever seen.

She had totally shiny light-blue short hair and some sort of elaborate steampunk-pirate dress that was all torn up at the hem to draw attention to her fishnets and constantly stomping boots. Tane couldn't see very well from the back of the crowd, but from what she did see, the bassist's smile was absolutely fucking glowing, like she'd fuckin'... smoked a glowstick before the show or something, metaphorically. Her smile was just so damn gorgeous, and Tane wanted her to smile like that at her, because of her, for her.

Eventually she realized the vocalist was giving the usual goodbye spiel and that she had to find a way to get backstage to talk to the band, get in their good books maybe, land a gig stitching up their costumes (because the steampunk pirate theme was a good concept, but the details just needed so much work and she was already envisioning the gear embroidery she would do for the skirts and planning out the fabric patterns for the new and improved hats). She pushed her way through the edge of the crowd and shoved one joy who looked particularly on-edge into another, sparking a fight that distracted the guard enough to let her slip backstage unnoticed.


	2. introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tane has been a Zonerunning messenger for years, but it's not like she's all that attached to the job. It just gets her places to learn things. Maybe it's time for a change.

She suddenly realized she had no idea what to do, now that she had broken in backstage.

Voices carried through the narrow hall to her, and for lack of a better plan she followed them.

"-Cal, you keep playing too fast during Rock and Roll Girlfriend. Didn't we talk about this?"

"Yeah, yeah, Jimmy, I know. The crowd was just kinda big and I got all excited and well, I just end up with the song playing me! Can't help it, man, but I'll try and work on it."

"Thanks, Cal. Hey, you guys want coffee?"

"'Course. Do we have any cinnamon?"

"No, Cy, we got beans and shit."

"Ah, alright, I'll take the shit."

Laughter.

"I'll have some too."

"Dude, you know there's no cream or milk or anything, right?"

"Oh shit, seriously? Nevermind."

"Alright, so one black coffee and one coffee with shit, noted."

The door she'd been standing outside of suddenly opened and someone bumped into her. Not the bassist, she recognized the flash of blue hair still inside the room. This was- she untangled herself and stepped back- the singer. Staring at her.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Hi, I'm Butane Stain and I was at your show tonight and it was really great and I want to work for you guys," she said all in a rush.

The singer frowned. "The fuck...? Okay, uh, I guess no coffee right now. Interview time I guess?" He glanced over his shoulder and the others apparently agreed. "Okay, come in, kid. Butane?"

"Yeah, uh, you can call me Tane," she said, still a little too fast. She sat in the folding chair the singer pulled out for her.

The drummer with the metal leg barked a laugh. "Cal, she talks fast, same as you play!"

Blue-haired beauty- Cal- snorted a little. It was the most beautiful snort-laugh she'd ever heard. She was even  prettier up close, with dark blue eyes that must have been contacts, because she'd never seen anyone with eyes so naturally blue.

"Anyways." Cal adjusted herself in the chair to see Tane better. "I guess first off, introductions? I'm Esperocallis."

"Esta- what?" The name was a lot of syllables at once.

"Doesn't matter, just call me Cal or Calli or whatever. Everyone does." Cal shrugged and nudged the singer.

"I'm Marionette Jinx, call me Jimmy for now," Jimmy informed her.

The drummer raised a hand lazily. "I'm Cipher Chi, Cy works."

"Okay," Tane said, smiling with a confidence she didn't quite feel.

"So, Butane," Jimmy said, leaning in ominously, "give us the 411. Ever ghosted anyone?"

"Uh..." She tried to appear unfazed by the sudden question. "No? I've fought hand-to-hand and with a chain before though."

Jimmy stayed where he was, staring at her through narrow, lined eyes. Tane couldn't read his expression, whether it was the right or wrong answer.

"Any previous experience in music?" Cy asked, saving her. Jimmy sat back again, giving Cy her turn. Tane relaxed a little.

"Not much," she admitted. "I'm not asking to be a part of the band, though. I can sew and repair shit and I saw your, like, steampunky pirate thing tonight and I knew I wanted to be in on it. They looked double-twist and I'd love to make more themed costumes for gigs and stuff for you guys."

"You can sew?" Cal asked, sounding... a little impressed? Or was it only wishful thinking?

"Yeah, ever since I was a kid!" Sewing had always been there for her, and it came easily to her.

"Shiny as fuck!"

"Thank you!" She tried not to smile as widely as she wanted to, but, well, it had been a while since someone so hot had complimented her on her sewing, something she actually took pride in.

"How much sleep do you need a day?" Jimmy asked, getting the impromptu interview back on track.

"Not much?" she tried. "I can take naps for 10, 20 minutes every few hours. In total a day, maybe an hour or two."

"Does this freak you out?" Cy asked, unlatching her foot and tossing it at her. She caught it, the cold metal heavy in her hands, and inspected the wiring and mechanisms in the ankle and making a point of looking at Cy's now-footless android leg without cringing like Cy must've expected.

"Nah, it's shiny as hell!" she said, genuinely impressed at the work the prosthetic must have taken.

"Great," Cy said, leaning over to get her foot back and reattatch it with a miniature screwdriver she pulled out of her hat, which Tane now noticed was tunnelled with little compartments, presumably for other tools like the screwdriver.

"Can you get in Battery City?" Cal asked.

"Well, I mean, uh," she stammered, "pretty tall order there, I mean, not at this second but if you gave me like a month or two's warning-"

"Nah, not right now," Cal interrupted. "And I'm not asking for, like, the password to BLI's security system. I just want some coffee creamer, there's never any out here."

"Espero," Cy started to laugh, "only you would ask someone to go to Battery _maldito_ City for some milk. She can't stand black coffee for some reason," she added confidentially to Tane.

"O- oh." Tane pulled her queued hair over her shoulder and started playing with the end again. "Yeah, I could do it in two weeks or so."

"Awesome, great, you're hired, welcome to The Aftermath," Cal said decisively, holding out her hand to shake. Tane definitely didn't hold her hand for a second longer than she did Jimmy's or Cy's. And if Cal kept smiling at her, well, she made a point not to notice or let her hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment with feedback and the song stuck in your head rn!!


	3. first steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to make some plans.

It was a week later. The Aftermath had played five more gigs before it'd been the new moon and they moved on, packing up their equipment in a truck.

Jimmy had woken up the day of the last gig a little confused, asking what day it was and who Tane was. Turned out the singer had DID and Jimmy had stopped fronting. Introductions were made between Tane and Jimmy's alter Marie, and she noticed Marie didn't spend as much time in the sun as Jimmy, which was probably good because the last person Tane had run into who spent overmuch time in the beams, she'd gotten in a fight with. She still had the bruises on her knuckles, but Marie was definitely less hostile than Jimmy.

Tane had started the plans for the costumes for the next set of gigs already, but had to abandon them as she remembered she had to go back to the City for- of all things- coffee creamer. Oh, well. For a smile like Cal's, she'd do pretty much anything.

She sighed, folding up her sketches for the next costumes - some kind of plant theme, maybe, different kinds of flowers and leaves of whatever cloth she scrounged up - and pulling out a map of Battery City Cy had given her.

Tane frowned, fiddling with the end of her queue again and writing down notes. She'd promised Cal her coffee creamer within two weeks and dammit, she was going to deliver. At least when she got back, she could keep looking for people who knew her dads.

 

> _north gate? some guards and cameras, might be able to get fake papers made in inner zones and sneak in? no, face id scanner there._
> 
> _east gate? too many guards, so fucking many. too visible. absolutely not._
> 
> _west gate? id scanner. may be able to nick one in inner zones. cameras may be a problem._
> 
> _south gate? id scanner and barbed wire, plus required proof of residence. no._

She groaned, setting down her pen and letting her head fall into her hands. She felt the hair on the front of her head, how it had come past the prickly stage and was starting to soften up. She'd have to wait a while to shave it again, though, clippers were hard to come by.

"Hey, new kid," Marie said from behind her. She jumped.

"Oh! Hey, Marie."

Marie leaned down to her desk and inspected the map. "Havin' _issues_ for Cal's cream?" Marie wiggled her eyebrows, standing back up to put her box braids into a hair tie she'd had around her wrist.

"Oh- shut up," she half-snapped, half-laughed, embarrassed. "I guess. I'm not one to break promises, yknow?"

"I feel you," Marie said. There was a moment of silence. "No, I don't. Truth be told, I've gone back on my word way too much. Some bad shit. I think it's shiny how you do, though."

"Thanks," Tane replied. She was still thinking about the different gates, trying to remember if there was anything she'd forgotten.

"Sis," Marie said suddenly. "Why are you looking at the gates?"

"Because I have to go in somehow?" Tane said uncertainly.

"On a secret mission for your one true love? No, no,  _no,_ Tane, that's not how it's done." Marie knelt on the floor next to her chair and stole her pen to add some markings. "Look. Here's one of the most-used halls the juvies use, it goes from Sector 3 and right out under this blank section of wall in north Zone 1. And here's another one, less well-known, you get a key from Jakey Chow Mein and the bartender here lets you into the back room with the entrance, and you can pop on up and stroll through Sector 17."

She stared at her, slightly openmouthed. In the two days they'd known each other, Marie had spent most of her time asleep or occasionally scribbling things down in a notebook.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Marie smiled. "Anyways, I'd say your best bet is the Sec-17 one."

"How do I get the key, though?" she suddenly realized.

"Oh, Butane, Butane, Butane," Marie laughed, patting her head gently. "For such a bright shiny kid, you sure are a little slow. I've got one, of course."

"Can I borrow it?"

Marie looked seriously at her. She started worrying, because they honestly hadn't known each other long and Marie seemed- she didn't know what, but she was dangerously unsure she'd get that key without a lot of persuading.

"Of course, sunshine!" Marie giggled suddenly, bringing her hand out from behind her back. In her palm rested a rusty little key.

"Thank you so much, Marie, really," Tane said, and continued to ramble her gratefulness as she gingerly picked the key from Marie's hand and pocketed it.

"Shush, kid, it's alright," Marie dismissed, blowing a bubble in her gum. From the front of The Aftermath's van, Cy yelled something. "Ah, shit, it's my shift for driving, ain't it? Alright, good luck with your plans, motorbabe."

"Th- thanks?"

The day passed with subtle glances at blue hair, and scraped-together meals, and sleep. And more days passed like it. Cal complained at one point, rubbing her sore eyes after taking out her contacts. Privately, Tane wrote mental diary entries waxing poetic about her dark brown eyes, safe as night and warm as the van's engine.

More days passed, and the van circled around to eastern Zone 2, and they left it in a safe house with a runner named Salted Saint, who apparently went back a long way with Jimmy and was willing to pass Marie a favor in his absence.

Cy lent her a pair of too-big white-ish pants, and Saint had barely enough chlorine for Tane to be able to use it to bleach an old shirt of Cal's to BL/ind standards. After a quick nap, she took off with the other three in tow behind her, walking all the way to Marie's bar.

The owner greeted them, saying he could'a seen Cal's new hair all the way from Route Guano, and damn, it'd been far too long since Marie came around, and how was Cy's leg holding up? Then Marie casually, almost shyly, started spinning the key around her finger until the owner noticed and called in a friend to cover the bar for him while he let them in the back room.

Marie opened the trapdoor and Cy made sure she had a map with her still, and a radio, and Cal helped her down and maybe she held onto her hand for a _little_ longer than strictly necessary.

And then Cal knelt down fast and put a hand on her cheek and kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISSED THEY KISSED THEY KISSED  
> why am i so excited about my own characters? bc apparently no one else is  
> pls comment i would Die for you


	4. second steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homesickness is an illness many are afflicted with. Tane is lucky enough to have never caught it. Returning to your roots is hard no matter who you are, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to my brother for the title  
> sorry for late posting, wifi cut out in my town yesterday. next chapter will be up on time, hopefully. please enjoy

As Tane crawled through the tunnel, for once she paid no heed to the possibility of spiders lurking beneath her hands. She was too busy getting lost in memories.

Every few yards, she would unthinkingly stop and touch her cheek where Cal had only half an hour ago. God, she was still blushing.

For all her pining, Tane hadn’t actually expected anything to come of this crush. Hell, she hadn’t realized she’d been obvious about it, but it was clear Cal noticed enough to make the first move. Holy fucking _shit_.

She continued automatically crawling, losing track of time as she imagined what would happen when she came back. Would Cal actually want to date her? What would happen with the mystery of her dads? Would Cal help her find out more? Could she stay with The Aftermath long-term, thinking up extravagant show costumes and holding Cal’s hand on some hill just before dawn?

She became so absorbed in her daydreams, she didn’t notice the tunnel tilting upward until she smacked her head on a trapdoor.

She fell back a bit, rubbing her sore head and sitting on her heels. Knocking on the trapdoor brought no response, so she cautiously pushed it up, pulling herself onto the floor above and taking stock of her surroundings.

She appeared to be in a building that was probably intended for storage, but had ended up emptied without BL/ind officials noticing anything suspicious. Tane brushed the dirt off her borrowed white clothes and looked out a window to see the dark sky- hours yet before daybreak. She made her way to the exit, where two young Halldwellers were half-asleep keeping watch. The taller one woke up enough to notice her and, after a quick search for BLI ID and finding none, gestured that she was approved to pass.

In the night, the BLI streets were empty. She didn’t remember much about Sec-17, having only passed through a few times, but after finding a street sign and wracking her memory, she thought there might be a grocery store a few blocks away.

A brisk, but wary walk later brought her to the storefront, which she avoided carefully for fear of getting caught on a security camera. Instead, she wound her way to the alley behind it, twisting her queue up and fastening it into a makeshift bun in a halfhearted effort to pass off as a normal Better Living-approved female citizen, out on an innocent midnight walk.

After only a few minutes of shifting things around, she found a spilled box of coffee creamer in the trash; she figured it would be good for at least another month. She made quick work of scooping up the slightly-dented containers into her small bag, which had been folded up and wrapped around her leg under her pants. After tying the bag shut, she started back to the storage building with it over her shoulder.

She passed one block, then another, but as she was about to cross the third street, a pair of bright white headlights cut through the safety of the darkness around her, making her jump back and almost drop the bag of creamer.

She hadn’t jumped back enough.

The BLI-branded door, black grimace starkly contrasting the flat whiteness of the rest of the car, swung open and a person with graying hair clipped back in a bun stepped out.

She tried to flatten herself against a wall, but knew she had been discovered. Still, it didn’t stop her from pressing back, as if she could miraculously melt into the paint on the bricks.

She heard every step of the official’s heeled boots clip across the asphalt. When the official was about a dozen feet away, she finally shook herself out of her paralysis and turned around to run.

Her feet pounded the sidewalk, and she didn’t hear the official’s steps behind her anymore.

She kept running, veering right to hook around and get back to the storage building. Each breath, each step, each heartbeat gave her an incentive to keep moving. She had to keep moving. She had to get back to Cal.

The bag was unfamiliar weight, bouncing against her side awkwardly, pushing her off balance. She tried shifting it to the other side, but it didn’t help for longer than a few feet. She kept trying to run farther, but now she heard something worse than the woman’s footsteps behind her.

It was a car engine revving, only a block away.

She sped up, trying to reach the storage building which housed her way back to the Zones, where she was safe, where she had Cal, and was making friends with Marie, and-

The car pulled up beside her.

She ran faster.

The car began speeding up again, taking a hairpin turn right into her path.

She spun and changed directions, pushing a hand down on the trunk of the car to launch herself forward more.

The car turned and started pursuing her more.

She kept dodging away from its path, but she couldn’t last forever, especially off-balance as she was.

The storage building was in sight when the car revved up and sped right in front of her, startling her and making her drop the bag. She bent down and grabbed it, already poised to run again, but those precious seconds were enough.

The door had opened again, and the woman had her cornered.

The headlights still kept her from seeing her captor properly as the bag was torn from her hands, as she was turned around and cuffed, searched for ID, and pushed into the backseat of the patrol car.

The official was talking to her, but she couldn’t hear for a while over the rush of blood in her ears. She’d be trapped here with no way to contact Cal or any of the others, she’d be reeducated, she’d end up like the Fab Four and her dads and-

She suddenly recognized the official’s voice, as she kept talking with her slight Mandarin accent and started driving, “… treason against Better Living Industries, you will have one chance to appeal-”

“Nǎinai?”

Her grandmother slammed the brakes and turned around, seemingly seeing Tane’s face properly for the first time.

“Bianca?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI THIS IS THE BIG PLOT^TM I HOPE YALL ARE EXCITED BECAUSE I SURE AS FUCK AM  
> NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA BE B A C K S T O R Y CENTRAL GET FUCKING HYPED!!!!  
> PLS COMMENT IM DIE


	5. past tense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butane has a history of silent, angry car rides with her Nǎinai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a little backstory-heavy, but it's important to understanding tane's family!! last week this wasn't ready to post, and i'm sorry for not updating properly!! hopefully the oneshot about cal that i posted instead made up for it!!

Tane shifted uncomfortably in the stiff leathery carseat.

It squeaked with every millimeter, practically with every pulse of her blood. She stopped moving for a minute. The noises were annoying.

Being bored was more annoying. She moved again, inspecting the seatbelt as if there was something interesting about it. She played with the window lever for a while.

Up, down. Up, down. Uuuuppp..... dooowwwwwnnn. Up-down-up-down-up-do-

" _ Sūnnǚ _ ."

She stopped immediately, an instinctive reaction to the tone of voice left over from her childhood. After a few seconds, she rebelliously started flicking the lever again, faster than before.

Updownupdownupdownupdownu-

" _Bianca_ , stop it."

She subsided, resignedly sitting back and letting her head hit the seat with a muffled thunk.

The car drove in silence.

The tension in the air was thick. An Individual's ray would have trouble cutting through it.

It almost reminded her of similar interminable drives when she was younger, before she left for the Zones.

She let herself sink into the memories.

 

> You were 8 years old. Your class was going to have a field trip to Zone 1 and learn about how much better Better Living made life. You were thrilled to see what it was like in the desert, and a little scared of what might happen.
> 
> Regardless, all your friends will be there, so the second the alarm buzzed to let the students go home you flew across the streets with your backpack trailing along behind you, narrowly avoiding slamming into every pedestrian on the way.
> 
> By the time you pushed the button outside your _Nǎinai_ ’s  house to wait for the door to open, you were bouncing on your feet excitedly. Once the door unlocked, you couldn't wait any longer and ran inside, spinning around and doing a little dance with excitement.
> 
> " _Nǎinai_!!" You beamed and tore open the zipper of your backpack, pulling out the permission slip. Your _Nǎinai_ smiled gently, kissing your forehead  _ ni hao _ .
> 
> "How was school,  _ xinai _ ?" she asked, sitting you down with your back to her. She tsk'd at the tangled state of your twin braids, carefully taking off the hair ties at the ends and starting to comb them out neatly again.
> 
> "First Xin- _ sama _ -" you made a face at the Japanese title required for all teachers to be referred to in the City- "was late to class again because he was sleeping a lot. Doesn't he have an alarm clock? He should!!"
> 
> "Yes, Bianca," your Nǎinai agreed. "I often find with teachers… because they are  _ Rìběn _ and they hold more power here, they believe they can do whatever they want."
> 
> "They shouldn't be allowed to!!" you said. You moved on to the next noteworthy thing of the day. "For lunch, LuJia brought fish!!" You said this dramatically and paused, awaiting a reaction.
> 
> "Fish? We live in City though, very far from the ocean," _Nǎinai_ said slowly, pulling apart sections of your hair to rebraid.
> 
> " _ Shi _ !! It’s why it was important!!" You took a deep breath. Here came the real news! "Do you know what else happened today?"
> 
> "What happened,  _ Feng Mian _ ?"
> 
> You turned around to get the paper from the table, but yanked your hair accidentally. "Ow!!"
> 
> " _ Baoqian _ !!" _Nǎinai_ gasped, apologizing.
> 
> "It's okay!! Look what Xin- _ sama _ gave to the class!!" You shoved the paper at your _Nǎinai_ , who squinted at the paper briefly before putting on her glasses, which had been hanging around her neck.
> 
> "Permission form? A school trip to... Zone 1?" Her face went from shocked to fearful, passed through angry and continued on to steadfast. "You can't go."
> 
> You stared  at her, confused. Maybe she didn't understand! She was old, after all, and she didn't know your friends were going! "My friends are going! And the teachers will be there, and there'll even be a S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W officer to keep us safe!"
> 
> If possible, she paled further. "No."
> 
> You had a doctor appointment you had to go to, so the conversation was put on pause after she adamantly told you there would be absolutely no chance of you stepping foot in the Zones under any circumstances. "It's too dangerous," she had said. And then for twenty minutes to the doctor's office and twenty minutes back, you sat in the carseat and shifted around awkwardly, trying to figure out how to break the silence.
> 
>  

Tane remembered another time the two of them had had an argument leading to silent, tense car trips. Oddly, she now noticed they always seemed to lead back to the Zones.

 

> You were 12 years old. _Nǎinai_ was grocery shopping and you had done all your homework and listened to the headphones, and now? You were bored.
> 
> So you explored the house.
> 
> You made a map of every room (although you knew them by heart already), counted steps, and tried to cook something as a surprise for _Nǎinai_ but found the fridge empty.
> 
> You sat down heavily on the floor of the top-story apartment, dying for entertainment.
> 
> Then you heard something click, and felt a draft.
> 
> You turned around and saw a panel on the wall had unhinged slightly. You investigated it a little bit. It was Different, and Different was Scary and Bad. Different Things led to Worse Living.
> 
> It looked exactly like the wood paneling of the walls, but it was hinged on the inside and apparently hadn't been locked shut. You noticed a tiny discrepancy in the wood grain near one edge and touched it. There was a small hole, maybe for a key.
> 
> You opened it all the way, afraid of this new development but wanting to find out what was in the attic- for it must have been an attic, even though you had never known it existed before now.
> 
> Luckily, you didn't run into any spiders as you hoisted yourself up into the passage and started climbing the steps inside.
> 
> As you reached the top of the stairs, you did brush something stringlike with your head and shrink back sharply with a yelp.
> 
> It was only a string for a lightbulb. Feeling silly about your reaction, you gingerly reached up and pulled it.
> 
> With a _click,_ light flooded the hitherto-dark space above your apartment, revealing stacks of boxes everywhere.
> 
> Curious, you opened one with your name on it.
> 
> It was full of old clothes, photo albums, and a blanket you recognized from when you were really young. Under the blanket were various tiny clothes in bright colors, lime and purple-blue. These you didn't recognize, and poked at gingerly, as if the brightness of the colors would burn your fingertips.
> 
> At the bottom, hidden by everything else but folded up carefully, was a pink ribbon.
> 
> You picked it up, and out of it fell a note in handwriting you didn't recognize.
> 
> It read, "For our _piàoliang_  daughter, hoping she will meet neither a crow nor the static before us."
> 
> You stared at the note, puzzled. You'd never known your parents. The phrasing was also weird. They couldn't have meant a S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W, because you'd already seen plenty of them keeping the city safe. And static was normal, it was always playing in the background of the headphones' broadcasts. Shrugging, you put it aside for now.
> 
> Another box caught your eye. It was labelled " _Érzi_ " and was under another one labelled " _Nǚxù_ ". Son and Son-in-law? You decided to take advantage of this time alone to find out more about your parents. You'd had two fathers? How could that be?
> 
> In the box labelled _Nǚxù_ , you found strange, colorful clothes, more faded than the ones in yours. These included all the colors you'd ever heard of and even a few you hadn't!! The one reoccurring most was the same shade of purple-blue you'd found in your baby clothes. Most of the clothes incorporated either nylon or leather. On top of the clothes was an empty bottle of purple spray-paint which rattled when you shook it, and a braided circle of purple and green thread, almost like a ring.
> 
> It almost looked like the images in your textbook at school of Killjoys. But that couldn't be right, because Killjoys were murderous, savage rebels who rejected the good things Better Living brought to the world.
> 
> You shook off your doubts and moved on to the box called _Érzi_ .
> 
> More colorful clothes, these feeling mostly like cotton or linen instead of the leather in the  _Nǚxù_ box. Half-buried in the clothes in these, however, was a leatherbound journal. It was thick, soaked in something which stained the cover and pages, and when you opened it, full of Chinese writing in small, slightly messy print which matched the handwriting in the note with the ribbon. You sat down next to an empty canister of butane to read.
> 
> _Nǎinai_ came home and called for you. You didn't hear until she came upstairs, calling again, sounding panicked. You scrambled up, dizzy with the revelations in the book, clutching it like an anchor in your upturned world.
> 
> " _Nǎinai_?"
> 
> "Bianca, where were you-?" She saw the open wall, and you on your way out of it. "Bianca?"
> 
> " _Nǎinai_ , why didn't you tell me about my dads?" you asked.
> 
> She saw the book in your hands and her eyes widened. "Give me that. What were you doing?"
> 
> " _Nǎinai_ , were my parents evil rebels?"
> 
> She sighed. "Bianca, it's... a long story. Come here." She opened her arms for a hug. You didn't go to her. You stood, statuelike, looking up at your only family, your caretaker, your grandmother.
> 
> "Were they killjoys?" Is the book true? you wanted to ask.
> 
> "... Yes," she admitted, with obvious reluctance.
> 
> You thought about how everything you had read was true.
> 
> "Bianca,  _ xinai _ , come to dinner." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. You couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but your anger was more urgent.
> 
> "You lied. I thought lying was wrong!"
> 
> You argued for half an hour. Eventually she stopped trying to respond and merely stared at you with an unreadable expression.
> 
> The next day, she drove you to school. It was silent. You asked Xin- _ sama  _ for a notebook, and he acquiesced. You didn't go home that day, or the next.
> 
> The train to Zone 1 was eerily quiet. Exactly like riding home with _Nǎinai_ would be, you thought to yourself.

Tane was jerked from memory at a flashing red light, when the car came to a sudden stop. When the light turned white, she watched the half-illuminated buildings pass by.

Tane felt like something was wrong. This was a BLI car, but this wasn't the way to the Drac center. In fact- the car took a sharp turn at Moonstone Street- wasn't this the way to _Nǎinai_ 's apartment?

Tane’s thoughts were confirmed when the car pulled up on the curb outside _Nǎinai_ 's apartment building.

"What the fuck?" she said, breaking the silence. "Why-"

She was silenced with a look. "Come in. We have a lot to talk about."

Tane followed her grandmother into the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo i wonder what will happen next??? comment your current favorite food and who your favorite character is!! have a good day <3


	6. (**NOT A CHAPTER**)author's note

hi everyone!

it's sunday

im supposed to post on sundays

i don't,,, have chapter 5 written yet,,,,,

but i do have a oneshot!!

it's about cal's history, sorta!! it reveals more about the aftermath's lives and how they Cope and stuff. it's the second thing in this graceless series!! it's called callous callis, so feel free to go read that and leave a comment!!

i felt bad about not knowing where exactly to take this story next so i figured i should make it up to you guys with a bit more content from this universe!! chapter five will be up on time next week, don't worry!!


	7. awkward silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family reunions, throughout history, have been difficult at the best of times, and will continue to be so until the heat death of the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is sunday my dudes,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, AOUAOUUUHHOHAJDGHOU  
> i wrote this literally last night at 12 am. enjoy!
> 
> mini language dictionary thing:  
> Năinai- paternal grandmother (chinese)  
> Nàgè- "uh", "um", "what's the word", etc (chinese)  
> Sore- "um", etc (japanese)  
> Jiāqiáng yīqiè- intensified everything (chinese)  
> Nǐ zhīdào- y'know (chinese)  
> Āiyā- an expression like "ow" or "shit"? (chinese) my mom says it when she drops something on her foot or gets bad news  
> Shénshèng de gǒu shǐ- holy shit (chinese)  
> Xièxiè- thanks (chinese)  
> Magomusume- granddaughter (japanese)

Tane bounced her leg for a minute.

She heard a repetitive clicking noise, and noticed her Năinai's left eyebrow twitching a little.

She realized the sound came from her boot's tapping.

She stopped bouncing her leg.

She started twiddling her thumbs, inspecting her hands.

She counted backwards from a hundred in threes.

100.

97.

94.

91.

88.

85.

82.

79.

76.

73.

70.

67.

.

.

.

As she reached the 20s, she was startled nearly off her chair by an alarm.

It cut through the night, faster than a crash queen down Route Guano, loud and buzzing through her ears and setting her skull on edge. She clamped her hands over her head, and realized as soon as she did that the alarm had shut off.

Feeling a little silly, she uncovered her ears warily, looking around.

"What did that mean?"

Her  _Năinai_ had automatically stood up at the sound of the alarm, disappearing half into the kitchen.

"It's dinner-time, is what it means," she said from behind the pale refrigerator door. She emerged after a minute with a clear plastic container, which looked to be half-full of rice, and a small bag of pre-chopped lettuce.

With nothing else to do, Tane watched her  _Năinai_  go through the motions of preparing dinner, looking as though she had a lot more on her mind than the consistency of the rice.

After a few minutes, silent except for the occasional clinking of a pan on a burner, her _Năinai_ turned suddenly, as if remembering something.

"Would you, _nàgè_ , _sore_... like some? You're probably hungry, right?"

As if on cue, Tane's stomach growled. She looked down, realizing she hadn't eaten since Salted Saint's place.

" _Nàgè_ , I guess so," she replied, with a small shrug.

Her _Năinai_ nodded and turned back to the pan of rice, pouring some soy sauce into a spoon and letting it dribble in turn into the rice.

When it was done, it didn't so much smell or look appetizing, but it would do, and was better than Power Pup cans. She set about to eating, and began taking turns with her _Năinai_ to stare at each other awkwardly and try to catalog each other's differences without them noticing.

After clearing away about a third of her plate, she realized why something had felt so off since she had come back.

"So.... where did the pictures and such go?"

She remembered a home with white walls but a mint green carpet, and picture frames hung on the walls here and there of her _Năinai_ and herself.

"Oh, _nàgè_ , _nàgè_ , Better Living sort of, sore... _Jiāqiáng_ _yīqiè_?"

It was nice to hear Chinese again, she realized. It felt much like coming home, despite the Japanese filler. It took her back to when things weren't bad.

"Intensified... everything, you say? In what sense?"

" _Sore_ , _nǐ_ _zhīdào_... Encouraged conformity more, began to punish more severely, enforce rules and things more." _Năinai_ poked at her dinner with her chopsticks, and decided on a square of lettuce.

"I heard something along those channels from recent Cityborn 'joys in the Zones," Tane agreed. "They said it was, _nàgè_ , one of the main reasons they came out there."

"Yes, it got to be pretty bad. Do you remember LuJia? You were friends?"

"Oh, LuJia! She was nice, I think."

"Yes. Her father cuts hair, or used to. He has been forced to change professions after receiving two warnings for not shaving a boy's sides short enough. The last I heard, he was debating whether or not to volunteer for Draculoid service. They only allow one hair cut for men now, you know, and two to five for women depending on age and other things." Her _Năinai_ pushed back her chair and went to the kitchen to pour herself a drink of water.

"Volunteering to be a Drac?" The idea was horrifying! "I didn't realize things had become so bad here!"

" _Āiyā_! Better Living has swollen up more and more as time goes by, like a toad who doesn't know when to croak and will soon pop." She returned with two cups of water, one of which Tane accepted gratefully.

"Why are you able to say so, _Năinai_? I thought here, everyone takes the medications and propaganda to not disagree."

"That's... a complicated question, Bianca. While you've been in the Zones, did you learn about a gang who were called the Fabulous Four, or something like it?"

"The Fab Four? Yeah, I know about them. What about it?"

"So, in 2019, before they died... you had been born already, and your fathers got into a clap with a S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W. They were ghosted then, and I went after the C/R/O/W to try and... sore, avenge them? So I went into Battery City, but got caught. A bittersweet coincidence, but the Four went into the City that night, and in the chaos surrounding their deaths, my reeducation was half-hearted and rushed at best. By the end of the week, I had been given a "choice" for my new name, renamed myself, and began raising you. It was all very under-the-radar for the time, given that security had been breached so badly.

"In addition to the chaos surrounding the Four's dusting, I also put to use my acting talents from when I was a young girl." Her _Năinai_ adjusted her glasses. "Around the turn of the century, before I met either of your fathers, I was a bit of an actress. So I learned how to stay in character, and have been since becoming integrated in Better Living society in 2020."

Tane sat there with her jaw slightly open, thinking about how long it had been. 17 years of working for _BETTER LIVING_! It was incomprehensible. To never be able to break character for years upon years?

" _Shénshèng_ _de_ _gǒu_ _shǐ_."

" _Xièxiè_ , _magomusume_." And she gave a small bow over the table, tipping only her head and the set of her shoulders but giving the impression of a watered-down curtain call.

"Anyway... It's been really good seeing you again, _năinai_." Tane smiled and looked apologetic. "But I need to go back to the Zones now. I promised this girl, and-"

"Oh, leaving won't be possible for a while."

"What. The fuck. Do you mean?"

"Granddaughter, this is Better Living Industries! Killjoys may come in, but can hardly ever go out. Believe me, I know."

"You were a Killjoy?"

"No shit, Bianca!"

The tones escalated quickly, to the point where they nearly yelled.

 _Năinai_ took a breath, standing up straight and smoothing down her uniform. "It's a long story. And it has been a long shift. Can we put off more explanation of my history for the morning? For now, well. The security would never let you through. Okay? You'll get caught. And you'll get hurt. Dusted, or Drac'd, or something."

"..." Tane closed her mouth, scowling but reluctantly agreeing with a nod.

"Come on now, I've still got the attic space. I can get you some sleeping materials, and we can discuss more in the morning." _Năinai_ offered a hand in peace.  
Finally Tane took it, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, what did you tell the pigs after I ran away, anyway?"

"Only the truth- we'd had a fight and you disappeared. I didn't say what the fight was about, of course. But I was genuinely scared for you, Bianca. Perhaps I'm hypocritical, but I was panicked, and prayed you wouldn't go to the Zones and get lost in static." They were now at the top of the stairs, where Bianca remembered the pressure panel on the wall.

 _Năinai_ pulled off her glasses and used her nails to pick out a tiny compartment in the arm. She withdrew from it a thin key, which she used to unlock the panel and beckon Bianca in.

"I'll go and get you some spare blankets and pillows. Clear a space, and be careful not to damage anything, love."

"Yes, _Năinai_ ," she sing-songed sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Then she turned and pushed forward into the crawl-space that contained her foreseeable future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed!! please comment whether you'd like the next chapter to follow more of Tane and her Năinai or whether it should go back and show a bit of how The Aftermath is doing since Tane is now MIA!!


	8. and the angel tabbris came to her in a dream, and said nothing, and so she knew of tabbris not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> butane has been missing in action for days. angels are not omniscient, but still pretty -scient. the angel of self-actualization picks up on cal's sentimental illness and finds its match miles away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pov changes are fun right? anyway have a new character or three

Many miles away from the white buildings and black walls of Battery City, the desert sands blew. A mailbox emptied, and a single black feather drifted to the ground below it. The moon was beginning to lower in the vivid purple of the Zone night sky.

And in a stationary Better Living van, covered in paint and murals and words courtesy of a metal-legged drummer, an angel slept.

Her name was Tabbris.

She had been trapped on earth for 19 years in a body born 7 years before she arrived, which she shared with four others. None were angels like her, but she cared for them anyway.

Nathaniel was a child, and had been for years before she had arrived. She saw in them an explosion about to take place, and she took to them immediately. They had loved her like the mother none of them ever knew, and she loved them too.

Marie was older, and possibly wiser. She simply lived as best she could, trusting few and far between but aiding many. Tabbris admired her, for even in her hardest moments she never let hatred get the best of her.

Knight was- different. He was about 30, but privately she thought that he felt more around 50, or even older. He behaved completely like a 30-year-old, but his air was that of a bitter man with many regrets. He griped and blamed others constantly, but in the manner of one who wouldn’t allow himself to feel for another for fear of being torn apart. Basically, he had a lot going on, and Tabby didn’t trust herself to be able to help him.

Jimmy was a teenager. He loved to lash out and complain, expressing every criticism that passed his mind. Tabby once heard him thinking to himself that maybe, someday, he could get rid of all of the hatefulness and have only his rare good thoughts left in his head.

Right now, in the cold desert air, there was no sound. No children asking when they could go home, no one angrily playing their guitar until the strings scratched down their nails and vibrated for minutes on end, and for once, no one crying silently in the bathroom.

Rare was a night of fulfilling sleep.

But not impossible.

So, Tabby was rather enjoying her first full night of rest in a long time.

Then came the dream.

In it, Tabby did not exist. She was nowhere and everywhere at once. She simply watched a life, not interacting- for how could you interact without a body?

Instead, she acted as witness.

An old woman turned in her bed. It was dark, but a small light was on in the corner. Mounted on top of it was a tiny camera.

The old woman muttered something. And again. A name, perhaps. It sounded like “Ben”. No- now it was audible. “ _Red_ ”.

The clock had been at 4:59 for a while. Now it buzzed, sharp and loudly insistent. The woman was silent, now awake, and sat up to put her glasses on. She sat back in bed for a minute, then stood up and turned off the alarm. She clicked a lamp on and began brushing out her long gray hair, then sat on the bed and began braiding it.

Minutes passed, and the braid was half-done. The woman stopped and stared at the mirror for a moment.

“ _Bianca_!”

She leapt up and ran out the door, up a flight of stairs. Her braid was beginning to come loose and fall apart, but she took no notice. She fumbled at her glasses, twisted her wrist near the wall, and pulled the panelling away. It swung easily, and a bleary face blinked from within.

“Năinai? What-”

The face was familiar, as was the dark fuzz at the top of it and the messy braid hanging over its shoulder. Marie and Jimmy had met the owner before. As Tabby slowly realized this, she saw that on the back of the woman’s pure white pajamas was a black, grinning face.

And then she woke up.

She mentally shook the others, but found them too drowsy to listen or front. So she took control of the body and woke it up, opening her eyes. Pale green sunlight was starting to filter through the window. Springing up, Tabby gave a corrective flap of her wings to keep her balance-

She fell over.

Damn. She forgot about her humanity. It was still new and uncomfortable to her.

She tried standing up again, slower.

It worked this time, and she managed to get to the section of the truck where the sisters slept.

Leaning on the wall as she stumbled along, she found Cy lying awake in her sleeping bag.

“Cy!” she hissed.

“Huh?” Cy turned her head and saw her. “Oh! Marie, is that you?”

“No, sorry, it’s Tabby. You’re awake, right?” The sun was only just struck, after all.

“Yeah. What’s up, Tabby?”

“I had a dream. It’s important, I’m gonna go and find Cal. Meet me in the common area in a minute.” And Tabby rushed off.

On the way, the others began waking up more.

_ Tabby? _ It was Marie.  _ What’s going on? _

_ It’s- well. I had a dream. I’ll go over it with the sisters once I find Cal, but in the meantime I’ll tell you. Basically- _ and she relayed her dream.

Marie was silent for a minute.  _ Seriously? _

_ Yeah. _

_ Shit. Poor kid, I only just met her. You sure it was a BL/i smile? _

_ Absolutely. _

_ Hey, what’s going on? _ Nathaniel was awake.  _ Is it bad? _

_Good morning, kid!_ _I’m looking for Cal right now, so I’m gonna have to shut up for a minute. Marie, could you tell them about it?_

_ Sure. So, Tabby had a dream. Remember the nice Chinese ‘Joy we met a while back, the one who likes Cal? _

_ Uh-huh! She had the weird hair, right? _

_ Yeah, that one! _

_ Is she in trouble? _

_ Maybe. See, what happened was- _

Tabby stopped listening quite so much, putting more energy to finding where Cal could be. Instinctively, she had started by opening her consciousness to listen around the van, but picked up nothing but a lizard skittering underneath the floor. Sighing, she manually checked the sisters’ rooms, the kitchen, and was now heading to the practice room.

Inside, there Cal was, awkwardly sitting on a crate-turned-chair and leaning on her bass. She was absolutely conked out, folded over her instrument.

“Psst. Hey, Cal. Sunshine, wakey wakey,” Tabby coaxed.

Cal slowly opened her mouth and groaned. “Nooo.”

“It’s important.”

“ _Nooooooooooo_.”

“It’s about that girl- Butane.”

Cal finally opened her eyes reluctantly. “What about her?” Despite her apparent nonchalance, there was a tint of genuine concern behind the tiredness of her eyes, and she sat up straight, setting down the bass carefully.

“It’s a long story, I had a dream. Come on, we’re having a band meeting in the common area and your sister’s waiting.”

They found their way to the common area, and sure enough, Cy was there, sitting on the floor cross-legged and tapping her metal knee to what Tabby recognized as  _ Favorite Son _ ’s drumbeat.

Cal joined her on the floor, folding her legs and staring up at Tabby. “So… What’s up?”

Tabby became aware that Jimmy had woken up too and was currently about to be caught up by Marie and the Kid.  _ Yeah, Tabbs. What’s going on? _

Tabbris took a deep breath. She never liked to be the bearer of bad news. “I had a dream.” She described the woman, the light and camera, and then the fact that Butane was locked behind her wall, and her Better Living-brand pajamas. At the word “Red” being called by the old woman, Knight woke up and she felt a chaotic mix of emotions leaking from him.

There was silence when she mentioned the smiling face.

Cal’s face was pale, and Tabby could feel Jimmy’s shock.

Eventually, Cy broke the tension.

“Well, fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any readers have DID lmk if i wrote this wrong and if that's not how it works!! hope yall enjoyed and have a good day!!!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you like? What sucked? What song is stuck in your head right now? Comment it below!!


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